The Video Call
You’re on mute. Click the microphone. You’re on mute!
I can’t hear you. Can you hear me? Don’t speak – nod or thumbs up?
You’ve turned the camera off now. It’s off. I can’t see you now.
Can you see me? Are you nodding now? That won’t help.
Gallery view. GALLERY VIEW! Top right hand corner.
Are you on a Mac or a PC? Phone or tablet?
What do you mean you don’t know? You must know!
Is it in your hand or on your desk? It can’t be both!
That’s in virtual backgrounds, but I’d leave it for now.
Focus on looking at the camera. That’s just your forehead.
Now I’m looking at your chest. Mum!!!!
No – you’ve muted yourself again. Oh god.
(c) Michael Gurner – May 2020