Idiot Destroyers of Progress

interior design of a courtroom
UK’s reputation plummets
Overriding the ECHR
And the world can see that we are 
Truly idiot destroyers of progress
Standing alone at the summit 
This peak of moronic intent 
Morals and integrity spent
Where we go next is anyone’s guess
Then just when it appeared to be
That our madness could not be trumped
The states think they might have us stumped 
Our lead may not be unassailable
The Supreme Court in the ‘land of the free’  
Overturns Roe v Wade and shows
They’re back in front, albeit by a nose 
And they have more inhumanity available 

Solstician Kryptonite – a song for midsummer

close up photo of bat

I was asked to write something about the solstice for an appearance yesterday at the Buckingham Literary Festival, and while I don’t have video of the performance, I thought I’d share the lyrics, as they made me chuckle when I was putting it together. We just don’t think of others enough when we carry out our rituals!

What is it, with you people and your sunlight?
What is it, makes you start to act like loons?
What is it, makes you get all weird and worshipy?
Each year around the 21st of June 
The longest day? Well let me tell you something.
This solstice fetish drives me outa my mind
You’d hate this daylight mania 
If you were born in Transylvania
So stick your solstice where the sun don’t shine 
Yes the solstice to a vampire’s
Like green kryptonite to superman
Like hairdressers to Samson 
Salt to slugs
Like nuts to those with allergies
Like sharks to those who surf
Like moths to haute coutore
Spiders to bugs
What is it, with you people and your monuments?
Why is it, that they’re lined up with the sun?
What is it, makes you gather at the sunrise?
Each year, when all the longer nights are done?
The longest day? Well let me tell you something.
This solstice fetish drives me outa my mind
Though I’m sure you’d find it hard to,
Spare a thought for Nosferatu
And stick your solstice where the sun don’t shine
Yes the solstice to a vampire’s 
Like red wine to brand new carpet
Like erections at the doctors
Jokes to wakes
Like drunk girls to karaoke
Like drunk boys to, well anything
Like rust to aging boats
Pirhanas to lakes
What is it, with you people and your rituals?
What is it, makes you start to act all strange?
What is it, makes you dance and sing and copulate?
In ways that seem increasingly deranged?
The longest day? Well let me tell you something.
This solstice fetish drives me outa my mind
At your midsummer spectaculars
Spare a thought for dear old Dracula 
And stick your solstice where the sun don’t shine
Yes the solstice to a vampire’s 
Like a virus to a laptop
Like silver bullets to a werewolf
Mould to bread
Like acne to a teenager
Like slugs to finest lettuce
Like cheetahs to gazelles
Guillotiné to head
The longest day? Well let me tell you something.
This solstice fetish drives me outa my mind
Save my kind from all this dread
Spare a thought for the undead
And stick your solstice where the sun don’t shine
Yes, stick your solstice where the sun don’t shine

Scribal Gathering Showcase – 7th June 2022

The Sixty Second Scribe (and current Bard of Stony Stratford) is a special guest at the Scribal Gathering Showcase at The Crown in Stony Stratford, on the 7th June 2022 as part of StonyLive! A 20 minute set of mainly new material, beautifully filmed by Ian Newman, hosted by Jonathan JT Taylor and with sound by Duncan Carter.

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