Idiot Destroyers of Progress

interior design of a courtroom
UK’s reputation plummets
Overriding the ECHR
And the world can see that we are 
Truly idiot destroyers of progress
Standing alone at the summit 
This peak of moronic intent 
Morals and integrity spent
Where we go next is anyone’s guess
Then just when it appeared to be
That our madness could not be trumped
The states think they might have us stumped 
Our lead may not be unassailable
The Supreme Court in the ‘land of the free’  
Overturns Roe v Wade and shows
They’re back in front, albeit by a nose 
And they have more inhumanity available 

Solstician Kryptonite – a song for midsummer

close up photo of bat

I was asked to write something about the solstice for an appearance yesterday at the Buckingham Literary Festival, and while I don’t have video of the performance, I thought I’d share the lyrics, as they made me chuckle when I was putting it together. We just don’t think of others enough when we carry out our rituals!

What is it, with you people and your sunlight?
What is it, makes you start to act like loons?
What is it, makes you get all weird and worshipy?
Each year around the 21st of June 
The longest day? Well let me tell you something.
This solstice fetish drives me outa my mind
You’d hate this daylight mania 
If you were born in Transylvania
So stick your solstice where the sun don’t shine 
Yes the solstice to a vampire’s
Like green kryptonite to superman
Like hairdressers to Samson 
Salt to slugs
Like nuts to those with allergies
Like sharks to those who surf
Like moths to haute coutore
Spiders to bugs
What is it, with you people and your monuments?
Why is it, that they’re lined up with the sun?
What is it, makes you gather at the sunrise?
Each year, when all the longer nights are done?
The longest day? Well let me tell you something.
This solstice fetish drives me outa my mind
Though I’m sure you’d find it hard to,
Spare a thought for Nosferatu
And stick your solstice where the sun don’t shine
Yes the solstice to a vampire’s 
Like red wine to brand new carpet
Like erections at the doctors
Jokes to wakes
Like drunk girls to karaoke
Like drunk boys to, well anything
Like rust to aging boats
Pirhanas to lakes
What is it, with you people and your rituals?
What is it, makes you start to act all strange?
What is it, makes you dance and sing and copulate?
In ways that seem increasingly deranged?
The longest day? Well let me tell you something.
This solstice fetish drives me outa my mind
At your midsummer spectaculars
Spare a thought for dear old Dracula 
And stick your solstice where the sun don’t shine
Yes the solstice to a vampire’s 
Like a virus to a laptop
Like silver bullets to a werewolf
Mould to bread
Like acne to a teenager
Like slugs to finest lettuce
Like cheetahs to gazelles
Guillotiné to head
The longest day? Well let me tell you something.
This solstice fetish drives me outa my mind
Save my kind from all this dread
Spare a thought for the undead
And stick your solstice where the sun don’t shine
Yes, stick your solstice where the sun don’t shine

Scribal Gathering Showcase – 7th June 2022

The Sixty Second Scribe (and current Bard of Stony Stratford) is a special guest at the Scribal Gathering Showcase at The Crown in Stony Stratford, on the 7th June 2022 as part of StonyLive! A 20 minute set of mainly new material, beautifully filmed by Ian Newman, hosted by Jonathan JT Taylor and with sound by Duncan Carter.

22 – This Feline Has Ceased To Be

kitten lying on surface

The Sixty Second Scribe takes a look at the latest dead cat to be thrown on the dinner table, and while he recognises it for just what it is, he also considers that it might just serve a purpose. It’s difficult to say for sure, but even the supine nature of the British public must have a limit somewhere. Surely?

For more literary tiers poems, click here


You (yes you!) can buy books of my poetry from this very site.

14 – The Sound of the Crowd

clear glass mason jars

The Sixty Second Scribe talks of hope, inspiration, beards and jam making while referencing a Human League song, for reasons that pretty much nobody will understand, but that make him smile. I have a sneaking feeling that will be the only time someone references those four things in a single sentence today, although I guess stranger things have happened. Anyway – this is The Sound of the Crowd.

For more from this series, go here

15 – You Know Where You Are With Johnson

person wearing beige sweater holding map inside vehicle

The Sixty Second Scribe shares a bewildering experience where a friend who he had previously had a great deal of respect for, showed herself to be more than a bit bizarre in her political approach. And left him scratching his head a great deal. And swearing a lot. Although only once in here. So do you really know where you are with Johnson?

For more from this series, go here

12 – Odd Man Out

face mask on blue background

The Sixty Second Scribe shares his genuine disgust at the actions of our prime minister in relation to a simple piece of cloth. His infantile refusal to follow even the most basic of rules, and the appalling example that sets to others in the country, suggests we’re in for a very long fight against this disease.

For more from this series click here

10 – The Turd World

cold snow wood water

A look at the topic that’s got twitter’s knickers in a twist this week, as our delightful government decide to vote down an amendment requiring our water companies to make steps towards reducing the amount of raw sewage that they chuck into our rivers, lakes and seas. Crazy anarchists we might be, but I don’t think that’s all that crazy an idea.